This article is a Media Partnership collaboration with The Golden Space Indonesia for the ALIVE 2020 event.
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The Moment I Feel ALIVE

As we prepare for ALIVE 2020, someone asked me how are the 5 pillars or ALIVE connected to each other? At the risk of sounding self centered, I hope to show you the common threat by sharing with you my story.

I grew up in a very good condition financially and even family wise. My parents would always give us the very best that they can afford. The one thing I am deeply grateful for was the love of traveling my father instilled in us. Every loving memory I have of my childhood involves the most beautiful scenery of the simmering color of sunset against the deep blue oceans, the sound of crashing waves, the endless rolling greens of padi fields.

But life comes in highs and lows. One of the lowest moments of my life was when I lost my dearest brother. He was only 25 years old. One day he was here, the next day he was gone. We didn’t get a chance to say goodbye, to say our final words. Pain and sadness broke through the cocoon of everything wonderful. But, in that moment of pain, I also felt genuine love, the kind that is willing to share your pain and your tears no matter how uncomfortable it made them. In the midst of tragedy, I discovered abundant wealth of loving relationship.

I got married after my brother passed away. Life went on. I started a family of my own, I worked, and am still working, along with my husband. I pretty much did everything by the book. Yet even when my life has been so blessed with so much abundance, I still feel that gnawing feeling of emptiness. I was uninspired. I couldn’t find meaning in my work. I might not realize it then, but my soul was hungry to fulfil the purpose of its existence.

The threads started to unravel when my father passed away in his sleep. Again, we didn’t get to say our goodbye. But, yet again, we forced ourselves to move on with our lives. My body who has been the one thing I can take for granted (I could go whole year without catching a cold) was kind enough to give me the first nudge. While pregnant with my youngest, I somehow hurt my back and I had excruciating pain. I had to deal with the back pain even after my son was born. Sometimes its so painful I couldn’t sleep at night. A good friend of mine told me my back pain had something to do with my unresolved grief and a reflection of how I felt insecure ever since my father passed away, which manifested into a physical reality.

Finally, I chose to do something about how messed up I feel. I enrolled in the Awaken The Divine You program which is a signature program by The Golden Space Indonesia, the same organization that organize ALIVE. I was hoping I could find my answers, some sort of peace, some sort of closure for the sudden passing of my brother and my father, to somehow miraculously cure my back pain, basically I am hoping it can fix everything that I felt needed to be fixed. I was desperate. God apparently listened to my prayers. I did find my answers, I did find my peace. I did eventually resolve my grief. My back did get better as I get closer and closer to being my authentic self, by listening to my body mind and heart, not shutting one or the other, by accepting and loving myself better, in the truest way possible.

I hope the story I shared reflects the connections of the first 4pillars of ALIVE. We need all four to feel fulfilled, its our God given rights to have all 4 pillars in our lives. I had abundant wealth and very loving relationship but I didn’t find my work inspiring. And I lost my vibrant health as I refused to deal with my pain and sadness. I didn’t feel ALIVE. How can I be the kind of mother my children deserved when I don’t even feel ALIVE? How can I teach them to love life and I don’t even feel ALIVE? That’s why all of them Abundant Wealth, Loving Relationship, Inspiring Work, and Vibrant Health basically sums up ALIVE. Which brings me to the most important pillar. Empowering Earth.

I understand how we are so caught up with the busyness and the drama of our lives we forgot our own home. But Earth plays a big part in empowering each of the four pillars. We can’t have abundant wealth without the raw materials She provides, can we? The beautiful nature that we see, the pink beach, the abundant lush of the rainforest, the rich hue of sunsets and the wonderful sounds the orca whales made, they invoke pure emotions of love and peace and serenity, the same emotions you feel when you see your baby sleeping peacefully at night. The same emotions are the foundations of a loving relationship. And Earth has empowered those emotions within us.

Last but not least, any work that inspires, any work that’s worth doing, any work that brings meaning to our lives are works that we love and are passionate about. They bring such joy within, and when we feel joy within, we have in a way empowered our earth. How is that so? For by having joy and peace and love within, we become lighter, softer, happier and naturally more compassionate. First to a fellow human and naturally it spreads to all living beings.

As I continue to heal and grow, and become truly joyful from within, I become more aware of my thoughts and my actions and how they impact me and those around me. I believe this awareness will expand as we expand intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. I hope you will join me by taking the first step to feel truly ALIVE.

* This article is a Media Partnership collaboration with The Golden Space Indonesia for the ALIVE 2020 event. Get your tickets here!