Maladaptive perfectionists are more likely to experience specific fears related to performance outcomes. These may include:
- Failing a certain task
- Making mistakes
- Feeling like they don't have control over the outcomes
- Experiencing unpleasant emotions, such as anger or frustration
As a result, many perfectionists actively avoid situations where there’s a risk of failure, mistakes, or criticism. However, consistent avoidance can reinforce these fears and maintain perfectionistic thinking and behaviours over time.
What Helps?
One of the most effective ways to address these fears is through gradual and repeated exposure to situations that challenge your perfectionistic standards. By doing so, you can begin to:
- Disconfirm negative predictions (e.g., “If I make a mistake, I’ll be humiliated.”)
- Build tolerance for discomfort or imperfection
- Develop flexibility in your thinking and reduce the need for rigid control
- Recognise that mistakes don’t define your worth
Facing your fears doesn’t have to be extreme. Start with small, manageable steps – like sharing an unfinished idea with a friend, submitting a task that’s “good enough”, or intentionally making a minor error in a safe setting. Over time, this builds resilience and reduces the power of perfectionism in your daily life.
Creating Stepladders
A goal stepladder is a practical strategy designed to help gradually challenge and overcome perfectionistic behaviours especially those driven by fear of failure.
Step 1
Choose a specific area of perfectionism you’d like to focus on.
Examples: Work, study, housework, relationships, organisation, appearance (grooming, weight), or fitness.
Step 2
Identify one specific goal behaviour within that area
Ask yourself: What behaviour am I doing excessively or avoiding due to perfectionism? What would I like to do instead?
Step 3
Break your goal into manageable steps
Start with the easiest step. Repeat it regularly until you feel more comfortable and less anxious, then move on to the next step.
Example 1: Sarah
Sarah has chosen to address how long she spends on styling her hair before school every morning. Currently, she spends two and a half hours styling her hair every morning as she believes that if her hair doesn't look perfect, her teachers will think she is a lazy student.
Example 2: Dave
Dave has chosen to reduce how long he spends exercising every night after he comes home from work. Currently, he spends 3 hours doing cardio training each night as he believes that if he doesn't exercise enough, his friends will think he doesn't take care of his body.
Once you’ve achieved a behavioural goal, you can create new stepladders to address other perfectionist behaviours.
Behavioural Experiments
In addition to stepladders, behavioural experiments are another powerful tool. They allow you to test the accuracy of your perfectionistic beliefs, helping you challenge fears and build tolerance for imperfections.
Examples of behavioural experiments:
- Intentionally arrive 5+ minutes late to a meeting or event
- Skip doing the dishes for one night
- Wear a t-shirt with a visible stain
- Send an email with a minor typo
- Answer a phone call without rehearsing what to say
