Why do I Self-Harm?
Self-harm is often used to relieve overwhelming emotions, and some alternatives work better for certain emotions than others. Before exploring the list of alternatives below, ask yourself these questions when you feel the urge to self-harm:
- How am I feeling now?
- Did something happen that made me feel this way?
- How will I feel later, when I am self-injuring?
- How will I feel afterwards? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
- What will I gain from self-harming, and what might I lose?
- Can I avoid the problem that has driven me to this point? Is there a better way I can handle it next time?
- Must I self-injure?
- Have I done this before? How did I cope then? Did I feel the same way?
- What are some healthier ways I can express or release these overwhelming emotions?
- Have I reached out to someone for support? If not, is there someone I can talk to?
- What do I need right now to ease this distress — rest, reassurance, comfort, somebody to talk to, or something else?
Alternative Coping Mechanisms
When you have pinpointed a specific emotion that drives you to self-harm, explore the list below to see what alternatives work best for each emotion.
Angry, frustrated
Consider doing something that makes you exert a lot of energy, or something violent (that isn’t directed at a living thing) such as:
- Punching a pillow (or other soft things)
- Breaking sticks
- Ripping paper or cloth (old shirts, rags)
- Taking a run
- Boxing
- Hitting a punching bag repeatedly
- Doing an intense workout (e.g., push-ups, High-intensity interval training (HIIT), weightlifting, etc.)
- Blasting music and dancing energetically
- Screaming into a pillow or in a private space as many times as needed until you feel better
Anxious
Alongside the options above, distraction is key. Commit to a hobby of yours or try:
- Watch a movie
- Learn a new skill (playing an instrument, learn a new language, etc)
- Play a game that is mentally challenging (tetris, crossword, math games, etc.)
- Research something you’re interested in
- Read a book
- Do a creative activity like drawing, painting, knitting, and so on.
- Cooking or baking a new recipe
- Playing with your pet(s) or interacting with animals
- Calling or texting a friend or family member for support
Sad, down
Explore activities that make you laugh or relax, such as:
- Watch a comedy show
- Take a bath
- Listen to music
- Color in a coloring book
- Take a walk outdoors
- Do a guided meditation or relaxation exercise
- Treat yourself to your favorite comfort food(s) or snack(s)
- Watch uplifting and motivational content on the internet
As if you are not real (Dissociation):
Practice mindfulness — a type of meditation where you concentrate on being aware of what you're sensing and feeling in the moment. This is also helpful for anxiousness. Examples of mindful activities are:
- Attentively eat something: Notice its weight on your hands, feel your hand on the spoon, pay attention to its texture and taste, and count how many bites it took to finish the meal.
- Focus on your heartbeat and breathing: Is it slow or fast? Do you breathe from your nose and exhale from your mouth, or is it the other way around? Feel the way your shoulders, chest and stomach rise and fall. Manually count your heartbeats per minute.
- 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique: Take a look around you and:
- 5 - LOOK: Say 5 things you can see around you. It may be the laptop on the desk, the picture frame on the wall, or the shoes on the floor.
- 4 - FEEL: Say 4 things you can feel physically. For example, you feel the wind on your cheeks, or the ground on your feet.
- 3 - LISTEN: Say 3 sounds you can hear. Note where they are coming from.
- 2 - SMELL: Say 2 things you can smell. If you can’t smell anything at the moment or you can’t move, then name and remember your 2 favorite smells.
- 1 - TASTE: Say 1 thing you taste in your mouth. Maybe you just had chocolate and you can still taste it, or maybe you just brushed your teeth and you taste mint. If you can’t taste anything, then say and remember 1 thing you can taste.
If you specifically need to feel pain, there are relatively harmless ways to do so:
- Snap a rubber band on your wrist
- Eat something spicy
- Holding ice on your skin
- Take a cold bath
If your method of self-harm is cutting, doing something tactile can help, such as:
- Drawing on your skin
- Using henna
- Using make-up
Remember — it's OK to have moments of struggle, but there are always healthier ways to cope with overwhelming emotions than resorting to self-harm. You already have the strength within you to navigate through tough times and make choices that strengthen your capability of becoming more in control of your emotions and, eventually, heal.
You're not alone in this! Keep going — it's not about perfection, but about intentional progress and self-compassion that brings you closer to a healthier, stronger version of yourself.
