The mental health of those who take care of individuals struggling with self-harm matters as well. Carers deserve to have breaks, have fun and feel safe. To achieve this, it is crucial that your boundaries as a caregiver are super clear to both you AND the person you take care of.
Think about what you can and can’t do.
It’s important to think about your other commitments, as you can’t devote your life towards taking care of someone who self-harms. For example, will you be willing to take calls past midnight? How often can you visit them to help with chores? What if work coincides with an appointment that they want you to accompany them to? Know your priorities and communicate openly about your limitations, because the sooner you can identify these, the sooner you can talk about it to the person you care for.
Know their safety plan.
If they have a safety plan, make a copy of it. If you are listed as someone they can call when they feel like harming themselves, make sure you commit to this and be available when they call. This will help ensure they feel supported and reassured that there is someone they can reach out to in times of crisis. By following through with your commitment, you demonstrate your reliability and care, reinforcing their sense of safety and trust in you.
Learn how to say “no”.
It’s understandable that you may not be able to fulfill everything they ask you to do, as you have your own life. Make sure you say “no” when you cannot commit to their request or favour , and explain why. Letting them know you can’t do certain things, or letting them know when you’re busy prevents them from feeling let down.
This also applies to not allowing yourself to be treated badly by them. For example, if the person you are taking care of exhibits explosive anger and frequently yells profanities at you, you have the right to tell them you don’t like being treated that way and remove yourself from the situation when it happens. Taking care of someone vulnerable doesn’t mean you have to tolerate being treated badly. Saying no and setting boundaries allows the person you take care of to build independence and recover without fostering unhealthy dependency on others.
Take care of yourself.
There is such a thing as caregiver burnout. Caring for someone with a mental health difficulty is not easy, and you have every right to rest and take care of your own mental health. If taking care of them starts to drain or overwhelm you, tell them that you need a break. However, it is important to explain to the person you care for why you’re taking time off and be honest about it. Leaving a vulnerable person without explanation can be incredibly distressing (even traumatic) and set back their recovery. Understand that you can only give them your all if you take care of yourself first.
Understand that you can’t do everything.
It might be tempting to try to do everything for the person you take care of — from arranging their doctor’s appointments, providing emotional support, to doing their chores; however not only is this unhealthy for you, but it also makes them dependent on you, which is not sustainable in the long run. If you feel guilty for not doing enough, remember that you are not responsible for their recovery, and that independence is an important aspect of the healing process.
Talk to the person you take care of about these boundaries.
The most important part of setting your boundaries is clearly communicating them to the person you care for. Have conversations with them where you explain what you can and can’t do, what you feel comfortable and uncomfortable doing, as well as what you can and can’t commit to. Think of you and them as a team, not as a vulnerable person and a carer. Transparency helps them develop independence, which is important for recovery, and helps you by giving yourself space and time to rest.
Build your personalized Self-Care Plan to avoid caregiver burnout:
Creating a self-care plan helps you build resilience, manage setbacks, and support the person you care for more effectively. This plan will help you feel safe, supported, and rejuvenated by incorporating self-care activities that address your emotional, financial, intellectual, physical, social and spiritual health. Remember, everyone’s self-care plan is unique, so it’s important to customize it to suit your needs and preferences.
Just as much as the person you care for is allowed to be emotional, you are also allowed to feel tired. Caring for someone is no easy feat, which is why it’s important to know that you are not alone. There are many resources out there to help carers. Check out the following websites:
- https://selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/resources.html#rAbout
- https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2020/07/how-to-create-your-own-self-care-plan/
- https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/caregiver-stress-and-burnout.htm
- https://carers.org
- https://www.embracingcarers.com/en/home.html
- https://internationalcarers.org
